I feel like a truck hit me, and not in a good way! Thank goodness for days off, comfy beds, and diet coke.

I’m aware that diet soda is one step away from poison and probably should be considered blasphemy, given how much I love to worship at the altar of sugar, but I like the taste, so I’m willing to commit apostasy in its name.

I’ve been quite neglectful of my blogging duties, especially since I not only got a spanking last week, but we also broke the paddle!

That’s right, I’m no longer identified by a misnomer. My ass has claimed spoons and spatulas and canes and bath brushes, and finally, its very first paddle. It wasn’t even a wimpy thin paddle, either. This was one of those thick bread board type deals.

Now to be fair, it did break on a seam, and it was made of bamboo.

When I picked up the pervertable at Le Gourmet Chef I did have a moment of hesitation, because bamboo is prone to breakage, which is why despite its prettiness, I know better than to pick up spoons and brushes.

But it’s a paddle!, I thought.

So, there we were, in the middle of an amazingly fun role play. (I can role play, I really can!) The pain was finally getting to that fun, fuzzy point where I just sort of give in and accept that it’s coming, instead of fleeing and struggling (that’s my favorite part!), and we had drawn a teeny bit of blood, but that is par for the course for my thin as can be skin, and then all of a sudden he stopped, and I was jarred from my happy place, none too happily.

“It broke,” he said.

“The paddle?”

“Yup, the paddle.”

“No way!”

“Yes way. Get dressed.”

I was so stunned and delighted, i didn’t even think to pout that my happy place had been bulldozed by shoddy equipment. I wasn’t done, but the paddle was. How could I argue with that?

Well, I could argue with that, and I did about ten minutes later, when in the midst of idle chatting, I threatened him menacingly with a hairbrush.

It wasn’t quite so menacing after all, until he literally threw me across his lap (I landed with a resounding “OWWW!”) and beat the everliving hell out of my ass with it, and then moved on to the bath brush, before sticking me in a corner.

Next time, I’m gonna use my belt.